


Petstuck

by bookish_sister



Series: Homestuck AUs [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Humanstuck, More Characters and Ships Added As They Show Up, Multi, Petstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 15:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12135114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookish_sister/pseuds/bookish_sister
Summary: Wanting to impress Dinorah Leijon, Silas Vantas adopts two young trolls, Kankri and Karkat. His friend, Simon Captor, tells him he won't last more than a month. Silas knows he can last at least a year.





	Petstuck

**Chapter One**

**\---**

This was probably the worst and best idea Silas Vantas had ever had. Worst, because he was doing this for a very selfish reason. Best, because if he succeeded, he would get both an amazing girlfriend and bragging rights over his best friend.

Recently, both his crush, Dinorah Leijon, and his best friend, Simon Captor, adopted two trolls. Dinorah was completely enamored by hers, and, after a few weeks, so was Simon.

Silas didn't understand what the big deal was, and he made sure to tell Simon this as soon as he walked through the young adult's door.

"Seriously, though, I don't get it," he said as Simon closed the door behind him.

"Really?" the young beekeeper asked sarcastically. "Why, I totally haven't heard you say that every time you walk through my door."

"No, shut up," Silas retorted angrily. "It's honestly fucking stupefying how literally all of my friends got saddled with these weird things."

Simon whirled on the young street preacher. "Ok," he began ticking them off his fingers, "one: we didn't get saddled with them; two: they're not things; and three: they're honestly really cute."

Silas only raised an eyebrow.

"You don't believe me? Fine, I'll just show you." Putting two fingers to his mouth, he whistled sharply. "Sollux, Mituna!"

"Coming!"

"Be right there!"

Both of Silas's eyebrows were raised as two small trolls with gold tinted gray fur and two conjoined tails came bounding into the room. Both skidded to a stop in front of the two young adults, and noticeably bigger one climbed up Simon's leg up to his upper body, straddling his arm.

"Hi Thimon!" the young troll shouted happily, and not even Silas could deny that he was kinda cute.

"Hello Mituna," his friend greeted back, just as chipper. He patted the young troll's hair, and his hand came away covered in a sticky gold substance. Simon wrinkled his nose and gingerly pulled Mituna off of his arm; Silas noticed that his sleeve was stained with the same substance.

"Mituna," he said in a warning tone, "were you messing around near the beehives?" Mituna averted his red and blue(and yes, Silas just noticed that) eyes to the floor and messing with his black and yellow sweater. "Mituna?" The troll relunctantly nodded.

"I told him not to, but he didn't lithen," the second, smaller troll(Sollux, Silas reminded himself) piped up. Mituna squinted angrily at Sollux, who offered a shrug in return.

"Well," Simon said, setting Mituna back on the floor, "since you've already had your fill of honey, I guess you don't need any honey treats today."

Mituna's ears drooped, and he frowned. "No!"

"Yep," Simon replied, and Silas almost felt like he was intruding on some type of family moment. To be honest, he probably was, but he came over to talk to his friend, so he was going to stick around and see where this went.

"Hey, if Tuna ithn't gonna get honey treath, can I have hith?" Sollux asked, and the street preacher would've laughed if he didn't think he'd get yelled at for it.

"No, Sol." The young troll scowled but said nothing. "Now, go get washed up and we can have lunch." The two trolls shared a look before walking towards the bathroom. As soon as they were out of sight, Simon turned to Silas with a raised eyebrow. Silas rewarded it with one of his own before walking over to the faded yellow couch and plopping down on it.

"God, I forgot how shitty your color choice is," he muttered playfully, earning a scoff and a light cuff to the head from Simon before he too sat down on the couch. The two spent a few seconds flipping through channels until the resident beekeeper decided to speak up again.

"Hey, have you been keeping in touch with DR lately?" he asked.

"You mean Dinorah? Yeah," Silas replied, "I always keep in touch with her." Well, not lately, but they talked.

"Somehow, I doubt that," Simon retorted. "Last I heard, she was busy getting Nepeta and Muelin, her new trolls, settled into her apartment."

"What, for three weeks?" Honestly, Silas couldn't believe that trolls could take that much time to handle. Simon had been with Sollux and Mituna for that same time, and they were already acting like a family.

"Well, not all trolls are as easy to handle as Sol and Tuna are," his friend told him. "Hell, Sol and Tuna were not this well behaved when they first got here."

"Ok, but you seem to have them under control, so shouldn't Dinorah?" God, this whole troll thing was confusing, and Simon wasn't helping by spouting cryptic bullshit.

"Well, between her job at the cat shelter, and the fact that her trolls act like cats themselves, she's been having trouble keeping up with everything," Simon explained.

"Oh," Silas replied lamely.

Huh. So that's why his and Dinorah's conversations were so short as of late. And why most of them ended with a random stream of letters and a quick departure. And why she hadn't come to his latest street sermons.

Honestly, that explained a lot of the questions he had regarding Dinorah as of late.

"Well, I don't really have much to do except for my street sermons on Wednesdays and Saturdays," Silas said, "so maybe I'll adopt a couple trolls, too."

Of all the responses he was expecting to hear from Simon, laughter was not one of them.

"Um, what'th tho funny?" The two young adults looked over their shoulders to see Sollux and Mituna standing a few feet away from the couch. Silas had the feeling that the two trolls had been listening to their conversation, but instead of bringing this issue to light, he whirled on his friend angrily.

"Yeah, what's so funny Simon?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"It's just..." Simon trailed off, attempting to catch his breathe before resuming. "You sounded so serious when you said that."

Silas rolled his eyes. "That's because I am serious," he retorted angrily.

Simon scoffed, rising from the couch and making his way to the kitchen while Sollux and Mituna followed on all fours. "Yeah, right. You can hardly take care of yourself, let alone a couple of trolls."

Silas hops over the back of the couch and enters the kitchen just as Sollux and Mituna finish climbing into chairs, Mituna having a little more difficulty than Sollux. "I can so. And I take care of myself just fine, thank you very much!" He decided not to incorporate any curse words into his sentences at this time, since he was in the presence of some very impressionable young trolls.

"Sure, SL." Silas could practically hear the eyeroll in his friend's voice as he prepared two small bowls of Kraft's mac and cheese for the trolls. "Besides, caring for trolls is very expensive."

"So what? My mom sends me money every Sunday, and I'm always getting money for my sermons. I'm sure I can provide for two small trolls." Honestly, Silas was surprised at how well he was holding in this argument. Usually, Simon was able to win in about two or three sentences.

"Whatever," Simon retorted, setting the two bowls in front of Sollux and Mituna, who immediately dug into the cheesy food. "You and I both know that you don't have the patience for that. You probably won't even make it to next month with two trolls."

Now, it was Silas's turn to scoff. "I can so. In fact, I'm willing to bet that I can make it the rest of the year with two trolls."

"Whatever SL."

"Fine! Don't believe me!" Silas exclaimed, stomping towards the door. "But just so you know, I'm going to go adopt two trolls tomorrow. Goodbye." With that, he slammed the door, but not before offering a quick wave to the two trolls because, goddamn, were they cute.

**\---**

 


End file.
